Totally looks like

Metaphorically Speaking

http://www.qwertyed.com/q_pages/q6_fun_pages/analogies.html

A list of hilarious metaphors from a contest for funniest and most ridiculous metaphors. I snorted at most of them. Thanks to Morgan Searles.

-Bonnie

The Noble Ambitions of a Housewife

While studying European History with Gullino, we noticed that the centuries-old discrimination of women has always constricted them to having little more ambition in life than running a satisfactory household. For example, 18th century wives of English imperialists in India aspired to learn Hindu in order to better govern their servants. So I have compiled a list of what a modern housewife might aspire to do:
(written from the perspective of a housewife)
1. Create a sponge that quickly and more efficiently washes dishes
2. Purchase books so that my husband might read them to me
3. Own several dresses of the same color so that I might avoid laundry for a couple of days
4. Aquire gardening skills so that I can have the neighborhood's prettiest yard
5. Name my children Francois and Lord William because they deserve only the best
6. Ensure that my children are shielded from offensive television programs such as America's Next Top Model and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
7. Entertain fellow housewives with tea and stimulating conversations about sewing and bridge
8. Invent new and exciting snacks for the children: prehaps a bite sized bagel with pizza toppings (I could call it a "bagel bite")
9. Memorize excerpts from Sarah Palin's book, "Going Rogue"
10. Learn songs from The Sound of Music on the guitar so I can teach the family like Frauline Maria did

Oh to be an American

You have got to watch this.

I cried laughing it's so bad.

memorable quote: "It's just like a mini-mawle"

Really?

WOMAN BLAMES SQUIRREL FOR TOPPLING BIKE
Police arrested Tiffany Lynn Gaubert, a 22-year-old unaffiliated with the University, of 170 Constant Drive in Thibodaux, for disturbing the peace by intoxication after receiving complaints of someone overturning a motorcycle at East Campus Apartments.
The motorcycle’s owner told police Gaubert tipped the motorcycle. Gaubert denied toppling the motorcycle and blamed it on a squirrel. Gaubert, who police later learned was drinking vodka and Dr Pepper, said she was trying feed barbecue to the squirrel when it ran off and knocked the bike over, said Sgt. Blake Tabor, LSU Police Department spokesperson.
The owner did not press charges, and police were ready to release Gaubert, Tabor said. She then became hostile toward the officers and was arrested and issued a misdemeanor summons for disturbing the peace. She was transported by police to a friend’s residence, Tabor said.